The stranger

Published January 21, 2013 by Yassmin Elnazer

Out there in another universal dimension,he escaped to this land that resembles earth a bit,it looks like China,yet,it is nothing like earth.He walked in the market,found different fruits,plants he had never seen before,but he also found that that world does not have all colors,nor do they have ever heard about flowers. The stranger thought that since he woke up one day and found himself in a different dimension,there must be a reason,he tried looking for a space ship to carry him home and decided that he would go back to earth on a mission. He decided to despise and carry a couple of jars in which different colorful flowers were hidden under cloth.He went to an empty land and started planting some flowers,then he went to the market and arranged them on a stand,people gathered curious,he started teaching them the flowers names and the colors new to them,they loved the fragrance of roses,lilies,were charmed by the elegance of Camilla,he also taught them about perfumes,he kept telling stories about bees and butterflies associated with flowers,they were amazed by the beauty they were missing and wondered how pretty would a planet with all that beauty on it like Earth would be?!!

2 comments on “The stranger

  • Hmmm…. Ok, Yassmin, I hope you don’t take any of this the wrong way. I think you’ve got a really interesting idea here, but I also think that you try to do way too much in too little time. There’s very little detail or personality in this place. You say ‘he went here’, ‘he did this’, ‘he did that’, ‘it looked like this’, etc. You need to involve the reader more in your world and in your character. Try giving a stronger description of some of the places that he’s visiting, and you also might try giving a living description. For instance: “He walked into the market, found different fruits, plants that he had never seen before” could be replaced with: “Stepping into the market square the stranger found himself overwhelmed with sights and sounds. The fruits on display were like nothing he had seen before, certainly nothing he had seen on earth, and the square was filled with odd, but strangely beautiful plants. All of this forced its way into his mind as his foot hit the pavement, and the stranger found that he could only stand and stare, trying to take it all in.”

  • you always flatter me by taking the time to correct,suggest and even semi edit my stories,you’re right I just wanted to put the idea down fast so it won’t get lost ,I’ll try editing it more and even use the piece you suggested,thanks a lot,my honor always

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