survivors’ guilt

Published December 23, 2013 by Yassmin Elnazer

How hard it is to blame yourself for every new breath you are able to breathe,for every new morning you get to live,how hard it is to feel guilty for just living,cause simply life has lost its’ meaning to you once you’ve lost that dear one who was the center of your life and BANG SUDDENLY HE WAS OUT OF BREATHES,NO NEW MORNINGS FOR HIM TO SHARE WITH YOU?? HOW ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO GET THROUGH THAT,THROUGH THE THOUGHT THAT HOW better things would have been both for you and for everyone around you if you were the one who died and not him.How bad it could feel thinking over and over how useless you are and how useful he was to the world,every breath you take seems like a sin,how much I wish the rest of my time was given to my dad instead so he could still be helping patients and stopping corruption ,how little I feel comparing my worthless life to his,yet,no matter what there’s no use of that guilt nor of these thoughts his life is over while I’m breathing uselessly everyday missing his presence every minute,wondering what possible wisdom could be of his loss,yet it was his time,a divine decision that no one could argue and any argument is useless cause it is an irreversible decision that can’t be turned around,nothing would return him and nothing remains but memories and hopes that we could be the children of which he’ll be proud and would be his greatest achievement me and my brother,Amen,so may be one day I’ll stop feeling guilty for living just for him to rest in peace,Amen.

One comment on “survivors’ guilt

  • I loved every word of it dear Yasmeen
    I can feel your heart at the most precious loss in your life
    but life always goes on dear with or without a loved one
    so try to go on normally with your life

    I was worried all these days about you and the situation in Egypt
    take care my dear and try to carry on with life

    Love

    Ajay

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